The dying swan
by AneuUrysm
Summary: Pam's received a threat from Russell edginton that she just can't ignore and during the fight to keep her maker out of harms way the outcome is tragic Warning: dark content, unconsential sex, TRIGGER WARNING
1. Chapter 1

Pam stood gawking up at the opaque almost completely glass headquarters of the authority hugging her short leather trench coat tight against her chest, it was a windy night but it wasn't cold. It wasn't cold at all which was normal for bon temps everything was normal, in fact it had been a pretty much relatively normal night until Pam had received an unexpected phone call from an unexpected vampire that vampire being Russell Edgington. Now Pam and Russell had only crossed path a few times in her long life but they had by all means ended up bad. He had from what she could recall, slaughtered her makers people and family, killed the magister, held her hostage for three days and then to finish that off Eric had killed Talbot Russell's lover, and now Russell wanted her maker dead,

(this had all happened two years earlier she wondered why he wanted his revenge now? But Anyway)

he had told her that personally when he had phoned her a mere half an hour ago and it had fucking scared her more than anything had in her one hundred and forty years of walking this earth. Russell was a good two thousand years older than Eric and could easily destroy him that was something she just couldn't allow so she would go to Extreme lengths to stop it and there was no Eric there to stop her ( even if that meant death),

Eric was away with bill doing fuck knows what with fuck knows who but she rather he be safe that way.

as is clear she and Eric were not on the best of terms since her little run in with sookie slaghouse about three months ago but nether the less she would pay Russell Edington a visit to ensure Eric's safety.

Pam glared up at the glass building for a few more moments before moving slowly across the dirt and rubble to the main entrance vamp speed.

where she opened the door to the building looking around and collecting her bearings noticing that the hole place was…white. Literally everything. From the shelves to cupboards to the wooden stalls that were neatly placed beneath them to the flower pots. Everything was a heaven white, completely clean with not a speck of dust them it was almost maddening. But to be honest this was only the first door she had to give it a chance so fanging the inside of her cheek and growing more and more nervous with every step she took butterflies fluttering in her chest she pushed another door open instinctively looking around once again it held a similar set up to the first room but this room had an elevator and a desk.

Pam set her sights on the redhead that sat behind the slab typing away on her keyboard at a mind-blowingly fast pace. The women's/ obviously vampire's head shot up obviously sensing pam's intrusion and she smiled welcomingly.

'can I help you?' she asked cheerily noticing Pam's lost expression. Still completely shitting herself scared, it took pam a while to form an actual sentence and she looked down at herself before sighing a needless breath and meeting the other vampires gaze she nodded her head then walking over to the solid metal desk until her knees hit the base of it.

'I-I'm here to see Russell edgingtons' said the blonde spitting the words out as if they had burnt her tongue and placing her elbows on the smooth surface of the slab the sectary lost her smile her expression hardening serious; she eyed Pam with suspicion,

'He is not to be disturbed at the moment' she affirmed her voice never losing its cheery edge despite her change of expression. 'But I can tell him you swung by-

'he told me to come now' Pam blurted out over her

'ok i understand but-/

'This is to do with Talbot' she rushed clenching her teeth together The sectary rose a ginger eyebrow; emerald green eyes fluidly tracing up and down Pam's form taking in every inch of her before dubiously picking up the phone and dialing a few digits. Pam waited eagerly with every ring until she heard a muffled pixelated voice at the other end and felt the hairs on her neck stand up on static when she relalized for sure it was russell.

 _Come on pam it's not too late to turn back you can turn back just run go back to Fangtasia and forget about this_ her mind nagged no begged but she ignored all the sensible instincts that were screaming at her to run

'Sorry what did you say your name was?' the woman piped Pam swallowed hard finding her voice again.

'He'll know' she muttered feeling her throat close up from the nerves. The sectary blinked up at her then fixing her attention back on the phone.

'A little below the average female height. Icy blonde curls, rouge lips and- She stopped looking at her before continuing- busty' Pam glared at her then folding her arms defensively over her chest. The woman…jany (Pam read her name tag) stopped, listening to the other line and then hung up the technology.

'second-floor last door on the left' jany mussed shifting her focus back to her computer screen.

Pam hovered for a bit before setting her sights on the elevator then turning on her heels the cold woman walked fast pace to the modern day transporter and pressed the button which turned red.

It wasn't long before Pam heard the sharp ping of the lift and she hustled herself inside instantaneously catching her reflection in the mirror a blonde young woman frozen at the age of twenty-one tight black leather trench coat on, accompanied by a form-fitting red dress that hugged her body perfectly, dark almost gothic eye makeup, matte red lips channel no.5 perfume to cloak her scent and…and the neckless Eric had given her the night she had risen as a vampire. Pam felt her eyes sting slightly and almost...Almost rim red but instantly she blinked away the bloody tears as the lift came to a holt at its destination. the doors slid open with a rusty hiss.

Still shooting daggers at the vampire in the mirror Pam exhaled a breath turning around slowly then exiting the small confined space.

This room was way different from the other two rooms she had just witnessed. It was brown held a long silver table in the middle of it, pond, some chandelier's nothing really amazing or unique about-about the place yet it gave Pam this edgy feeling she couldn't quiet put her finger on. like she was in the presence of god or something bazaar like that. she felt...watched like nothing she did here was seen only by her.

 _Right the second door on the left_

Pam thought the sectaries' Jany's words echoing in her mind. She looked around the filled space her beryl eyes falling on a small door way (possibly undetectable to the human eye) that practically begged her to travel down it and she did vamp speed, soon finding herself inside the white tunneled hallway.

brown oak doors were plastered on either side of each wall all completely identical. Pam sweeped past every door her jittering hands placed neatly in her pockets for a sense of ease,

 _fucking get out of here_

her mentality screeched making her fence slightly bracing herself against the nearby wall taking then in a deep (needless) reassuring breath before she pulling herself together, straightening her form and continuing her course down to the bottom of the hallway. She could smell blood…smell death...hear talking, Hear the moans of a female who was obviously getting fucked in the room nearest to the last door. she was nauseous she was. afraid.

she felt her stomach churn with every step she approached closer to that door and when she finally came face against it hand hovering above the handle shaking like hell whole body quaking every sane part of her being yelling at her to fucking leg it (but she was too stupid to listen to those instincts so she pushed all rational thoughts to the very back of her mind), she moved her hand away from the door about to knock softly but the door swung open revealing the ugly wrinkled pale brunette male she knew as Russell Edgington.

He acceded over her slightly grinning a devilish malignant grin at her, a grin so ugly, so horrible that it reminded her of something she had once witnessed in her deepest darkest nightmares.

'What a pleasant surprise' he buzzed coyly over the loud music that Played in the background (a song Pam recalled as pretty flamingo by Manfred Mann one of her least favorite songs

 _Cause her hair glows like the sun_ _  
_ _And her eyes can light the skies_ _  
_ _When she walks she moves so fine like a flamingo_ _  
_ _Crimson dress that clings so tight_ _  
_ _She's out of reach and out of sight_ _  
_ _When she walks by she brightens up the neighborhood_ _  
_ _Oh every guy would make her his if he just could_ _  
_ _If she just would_

Shit taste in music)

giving her the once over before adding,

'Eric Northman's most prided possession... do come in young Pamela' he drooled her name fluidly in his fake southern accent

Pam remained tongue tied stepping over the threshold as if obeying a maker's command and then stopped in the center of the bedroom,

'Well make yourself comfortable' Russell smirked she cringed internally moving over towards the neatly made bed and hearing him shut the door behind her. She felt sick at that, felt the disgusting unwelcome taste of bile gracing her taste buds making her struggle and really struggle to fight back a gag.

'I do like the tempo of this song Pamela- he wittered on- it's a very beautiful piece of music rarely played on the radio stations actually but it was a tune in Britain in the 60s'

'It-it's lovely' Pam agreed with a small half faked smile.

'Did you wear something nice like I told you to' Russell sung to the rhythm of the song removing his flamboyant coat a mute nod was all Pam could manage before she uttered

'The finest'

(but he was gay or so she thought he was perhaps maybe he was bisexual preferring one sex more than the other like she did… She didn't know. She really didn't care, to be honest) self-consciously removing her trench coat and then dropping it onto the bed taking a seat next to her item of clothing.

'Hmmm good girl' He purred tucking a finger on under the strap of her dress she eyed the flowered wall paper in front of her feeling as his corpse cold body cozied down next to her

'Now you know what I've asked you here for don't you my sweet' He grinned she turned her head slightly her azure eyes falling on his amber ones. Inhaling a heavy breath before she spoke.

'You're gay' she reminded him with false humor

'Not tonight honey' He snorted

then begin planting kisses on her shoulder she tensed at the feeling of his lips making contact with her bare skin and closed her eyes belching

 _RUN! Leave and don't look back_ her mind was howling

perhaps she really should try and find another way to keep her maker out of harm's way

 _YOU REALLY SHOULD_ her instincts screamed hot as fire when she felt Russell hastily grip her chin and force a cold un-passionate kiss on her lips. She sat for a long moment letting him kiss her before she pulled away in disgust.

 _Some sweet day I'll make her mine_  
 _Pretty Flamingo_  
 _And every guy will envy me_  
 _'Cause paradise is where I'll be_

 _When she walks by_  
 _She brightens up the neighbourhood_  
 _Oh every guy_  
 _Would make her his_  
 _If he just could_

 _If she just would_

'Sorry but it seems my sexual appetites suddenly died down' she burst out attempting to get up her mind getting the better of her before her mouth could stop the words from coming out,

'now, now' Russell clucked taking a bruising hold of her wrist in his three-thousand-year old grip 'where do you believe you're going' Pam shook her head grimly staring at the shut door, her vision snapping back to his when she felt his grip tighten

'I am going to get my revenge on your maker for Talbot and guess what…I'm gonna do it now' His hold released temporarily when he vamp speed moved to the stereo to turn the music up to max, Pam saw this as her opportunity to try and escape however her one hundred year old vampire agility was no match for his.

Within the space of a millisecond she was flung back onto the bed landing on her back with a loud thud the wood slacks breaking beneath her before she was flipped over onto her front and pinned face down onto the white bedsheet, he grabbed her hair and yanked her head upright forcing a scream to escape from her lips and when she was about to let another wail loose he shoved a sweaty flushed hand against her mouth to contain the next scream she was bursting to release. The red dress she was wearing was soon torn in half the fabric being tossed carelessly in a heap on the floor.

She dug her nails into the sheets of the bed trying to crawl away but the more she fought the rougher he became putting his weight on her so much that if she were human he would have broken ribs. He was saying something now something she couldn't quiet take make out in the struggle. she could taste the salt of her tears and her mind was weeping at her.

 _Some sweet day I'll make her mine_

 _Pretty Flamingo_  
 _And every guy will envy me_  
 _'Cause paradise is where I'll be_

All at once he clamped her by the throat forcing her head up so that her ear met his mouth.

'This is for Talbot you godless bitch' he barked out like a wolf before slamming into her in one sharp and hard thrust she let out a muffed screech choking when his hold on her windpipe tightened.

'You killed my Talbot you and that pathetic excuse you call a maker' Russell grated out through his sharp red hot thrusts that drove into her at the flashes pace.

'it's your fault his dead' she gasped out- tears fresh in her tear-ducts- he roared out in angst twisting her around so she was now flat on her back before dishing out a blow that felt like solid metal. Her head snapped to the side from the force and she heard his fangs click down.

'You shut the fuck up SHUT THE FUCK UP!' he exploded his voice becoming high pitched, his thrusts becoming unsteady, his breathing speeding up. As he huffed and panted like a dog

all Pam could do was stare up at him in horror while he pinned him self on top of her crushing her wrists in his giant hands his jaw almost touching hers she could hear him reaching the brink of his orgasm and shut her eyes trying to prevent the gruesome memory of his face that she knew would follow the next night and the night after that and the night after that.

His release followed soon after and she let out a small breath when she felt him withdraw from her.

The sensation of being intruded being replaced by the feeling of his fangs that sliced through the tender skin of her shoulder not that she could really feel it any way she was too numb to feel anything now her mind slowing as her body shut down eye sight became blurry. After a few moments, she felt them retract from her neck. And saw the fuzzy sight of Russell towering in her line of vision.

'Now the moment we've all been waiting for' Russell smiled turning her over a third time so that she was on her hands and knees pretty sure mirroring the position Eric had been in when he had dealt the death blow to Talbot. He was gonna kill her and he would do it right now. She would die here... alone no one to save her. No Eric. No...Tara

 _oh no no no Tara I'm so sorry people keep leaving you._ Pam thought and then she really thought she could hear Russell raising the object he meant to kill her with and she shut her eyes about to give up until her mind presented her with the bright idea to fight. Fight the fuck back but how?

... the necklace...the necklace Eric had given her it was silver and she had always worn it. Despite the burns it dished out because she had seen those burns as a symbol of the love she shared with Eric. So gathering the last of her strength Pam spun herself around to face him with incredible speed ripping the necklace from her neck and then stabbing it clean into his windpipe causing him to lose control of his death weapon the stake he had been holding came down as he screeched in rapture hitting her square in the stomach she let out a yell of agony. Punching Russell from the top of her.

He hit the ground with a loud grunt and she didn't hesitate to get the fuck out

so she made to escape out of the door but there was a knock. Pam froze at the exit staring at the wood before diverting eye contact back to Russell who looked back at her with a thick smile divulged in his face.

 _Sha la la la la la la pretty Flamingo_  
 _Sha la la la la la la pretty Flamingo_  
 _Sha la la la la la la pretty Flamingo_

'I think you better hide don't you' Russell chided grinning at her.

'What are you talking about she stuttered shooting him a glare so icy it could have frozen the pacific ocean his smile only widened and he began to laugh.

'Do you wanna find out?' He inquired rhetorically his eyes gleaming cruelly when the knocking became more urgent more persistent. Pam's head snapped back towards the wood still in confused that was until she heard a familiar voice a very very familiar voice.

'Russell?'

She knew the voice because it was her makers voice. Eric's voice...he was. He was here how...why? This was the fucking authority what was he doing the the fucking authorities head quarters he had no reason to be here unless (she cleared her throat feeling it get tight)...unless he had joined...no. No he wouldn't he wouldn't he WOULDN'T he hated the authority that was it wasn't it he had joined the fucking authority. Why. Why the fuck would he- the knock became louder and Pam soon found her mouth hanging slightly agape and the familiar sensation of a lump forming in her throat drew present. And she covered her mouth with a palm. Then stepped out of sight vamping into the private bathroom Russell had in his room. shutting the door.

she heard Russell tidy up a bit before calling for Eric to enter.

'Well, this is a surprise' she heard Russell's slimy voice from the over side of the door and vamp speed put her ear on it for a closer listen.

'Salome says it's almost time for the ceremony get ready'he uttered no emotions evident in his voice which normally symbolized his hate or dislike towards someone Russell said nothing from what Pam could make out and she soon heard Eric about to leave but then his footsteps suddenly came to a Holt.

(HOW COULD ERIC BE SO CIVIL TO HIM AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAD DONE. TO HIM. TO THEM. TO HER! )

'Can I help you?' Russell queried. she heard him get up off of the bed.

'I thought I smelt- Eric trailed off his footsteps coming closer towards the bathroom door It took Pam a while to release her nose was now running with blood and she palmed her it recognized she was trembling now all the Adrenalin she had earlier had completely draining out of her.

her palms were sweating, hands clammy, the wound on her stomach still completely open and not healing Probably due to the amount of blood he had drained from her, the fang marks still throbbing fresh in her neck

'Smelt what northman I have a ceremony to get ready for-'

'Pam...I smelt Pam ' he said cutting over him Pam breathed heavily stepping further away from the bathroom door then looked over her own appearance realizing she lacked her leather jacket it was still on the floor outside

' _Fuck'_ Pam thought (preying Eric hadn't notieced it which he clearly hadnt and if he had, he had chosen to ignore it which she doubted or believed it was one of russells shitty new fixes of clothing for the week.)

looking around for a window big enough for her body...there was not luck

she heard her makers footsteps stop at the door , heard his hand make contact with the handle before the knob turned at a 90 degree angle about to open but to Pam's advantage a females voice (to which she didn't recognize) stopped both men from outside.

'Eric Salome has summoned us...all of us-she said pointedly towards both males-' came the woman British accent.

Pam continued to stand as still as she could hands clenched at either side chest tight as hell ready for the door to open but the sense of relief flooded over her when she heard Russell say

'Well let's go'

and then, Eric and whoever the woman was left the roman. waiting Pam guessed expectantly for Russell to exit with them before he dismissed them telling them he wouldn't be a moment, after a minuets silence the female vampire heard Russell's bedroom door shut and as soon as the other two were gone the bathroom door opened revealing her defiler he looked over her disturbed appearance with a simper.

'Looking for this' Russell spat smoothly holding up her panties along with her peltry with a look of amusement Pam stared at him glassy eyed, her face set in a tight mask her fear of him growing stronger and bigger; more crippling by the second but the expression never making her features she was about as stoic as Chris Chambers in the River Phoenix cult classic Stand By Me. and that way she would remain. Pam took firm hold of the parchment pulling downwards until the garment left his hold completely. and it was soon jelled in her grasp she stood temporarily forgetting what to do with it before it dawned on her that she actually should put coat on. and soon enough she was comforted by the warmth of the coat and she let out a small sigh of relief embracing it tight around herself (as she had done forty minuets ago) before attempting to tornado towards the door only to be stopped by Russell's vice grip on her arm preventing her from leaving.

'You're never a real woman until you've been forced-he stated brightly his eyes gleaming inhumanely-...It's okay to cry'

her eyes narrowed remaining fixed on the door until she felt the strong nudge of his arm on her back and took it as a symbol to get the hell out so she made towards the door in her line of vision, Looking back over her shoulder once in fear of him. stopping, killing or pouncing on her but he didn't he let her leave and as soon as she shut the door she took off running down the hallway, past every brown oak door she had already gone past. (giving thanks that he hadn't killed her, yet it worried her at the same time why hadn't he killed her was the question since he had been so dead set on doing it) she stumbled back into the main hall which was still un-occupied (putting pressure on the nasty gash on her stomach which was now oozing with blood.) and legged it towards the steel elevator pushing the button so hard it could have broken.

Panic raised in her when she heard talking from the bottom of the hallway and she shoved her finger hard against the button repeatedly until she heard the lift ping to life.

within a second flat she was inside pushing the button to ground and then finally finding it within herself to to some extent relax. she breathed heavily her head throbbing hard her breathes hitching in her throat. her airways tightening, as she breeched herself on the wooden handle bar for support eyes travling upward to her broken reflection.

the blood from her nose had ran all the way down her chin. her hair was stained red with it. she was pratically half naked under the coat. she had blood dripping down her thigh from you know what area she clutched her panties tight in her left hand.

And...and she had that look again...that look in her eyes that she had not seen in over a century the tortured, **scared** look that cried for help...cried for attention. ( she clearly wasn't the Pam who had walked in here and she wouldn't be again...at least not for a long another day in the life of Pamela de beaufort, ravenscroft or whatever name she decided to go by)

'No' she whispered biting her bottom lip when she felt it quiver slightly as Edginton's words rang in her mind throwing her off completely

'Your officially a real woman...it's okay to cry...'

and she did.

 **hi guys hope you liked this fic may continue this if I get enough reviews and ideas ideas * wink wink * my previous fics will be updated soon as well please review please and happy reading x**


	2. Chapter 2

Pam sat on Eric's bed staring down at her sleeping progeny she had no recollection of how and what time she had left the authority headquarters but she had gotten out, without being seized by the guards or double-crossed in some way by some miracle. Tara wriggled groaning slightly before burying her head in a silky pillow Eric Northman's progeny bit her lip then lay down beside the sleeping woman inhaling the scent of the pillows, it smelt of Eric, her maker her lover, her brother, her son...her complete and utter soulmate the one who was supposed to protect her, the one who had failed to protect her on a number of occasions protect her from Marnie, protect her from the magistrate ...protect her from, from this, yet she still loved and forgave him, she always would, because there was nothing He could do or say to her that would change that, the blonde lay in silence for a few minutes before she felt a few unwelcomed tears slip free to fall down her porcelain cheeks, at that she felt Tara stir awake and sleepily shifted around, Pam was greeted with chocolate brown eyes,

'Pam?' came the tired half-awake voice of Tara, Pam stared at her with blank eyes and then sat up wiping her tears, 'what's the matter?' Tara asked with worried eyes, she sniffles shaking her head and sat up in the dark sitting as still as she could and gawking at her, her form probably a silhouette in the darkness of the room, 'Pam' Tara repeated sternly making her jump,

'Where have you been? What's happened to you' she asked reaching out to touch her hand affectionately and with that she felt sudden nausea, nausea at the feeling of being touched, nausea at the sensation of skin to skin contact, nausea at the feeling of being...just being. She took off sprinting towards the private bathroom and then hurled into the toilet bowl, her body convulsing frontward and shaking like a hurricane, pam heard Tara get up and off of the bed and she approached the bathroom flicking on the lights. The blonde squinted burying my face into the toilets bowl and heard Tara take a step back with a gasp her body hitting the door frame as she took in the sight of her, the blonde shivered her lips juddering and looked up at her arms and hands slightly to see they were covered in blood as were her legs and between her thighs

The female cringed at the feeling of Tara's fear and heard her panic stricken voice,

'what happened?' she stuttered in terror and the blonde threw up again, tasting the irony metallic-tasting blood she had stomached over an hour ago, she looked up from the toilet bowl slightly and hiccuping , feeling more vomit trying to cruel its gruesome way up her throat.

'he his back' she struggled to form the sentence feeling nauseous at his very name, she gagged slightly and Tara seemed shocked,

'You-what?'

'Russell's back' she shat herself standing up from the toilet flushing it and then staring her dead in the eye, 'and his got Eric under his control...we-we have to get him' she said shakily moving out of the room, Tara followed behind her trying to keep up with her fast pace.

'Wait-wait Pam just slow down for one second stop' she demanded to grab Pam by her shoulder Pam froze and stiffened closing her eyes, Tara rounded her to stand in front of her then took in her bewildered appearance

'p-pam' what happened, why are your clothes shredded, why-

'me and Russell- she broke it down slowly blocking the bond if she didn't care about Tara she would completely drop the bombshell on her but she so happened to care and knew that telling Tara of her assault would only scare her this was Pam's burden to carry and- and she would attempt to carry it alone so blocking off the bond she shared with Tara she continued to lie

-had a fight' she finished the sentence with a shaky voice, attempting a pathetic smile and shrug of the shoulders tara stared at her for a few long moments before snapping

"Are you serious Pam...do you know how old he is he could have killed you if he chose it... you know he has it out for you and Eric mostly Eric'

Well I'm alive aren't I?...mostly' she said holding the still open wound and wincing Tara's eyes fixed on the blood that was sifting its way through Pam's dainty fingers,

'And your still bleeding' Tara said pointed out moving to touch the wound Pamela shied away from her touch turning her back and restlessly walking back towards the door, she could feel Tara's impatience analysing itself through their bond and grit her teeth stopping at the door with one palm outstretched on the white wooden door and the other clenched at the side of her body, her face completely slack her body again going completely still yet again as she stood still as a statue, something only vampires to do one of the many things the humans found creepy about them. she practically heard tara cock her head to the side and exhaled the breath she hadn't known she had been holding,

'Can we just forget about this?' She said with forced brightness turning around, to see Tara's confused features 'I know your worried but / But look I'm here aren't I? I'm fine and-

'Pam'

'And- Pam cut in once again sharply. but. still trying not to lose her cool- I'll feel much better after a shower' she confessed with a fake smile hoping to god she was right, once she was out of the shower she would go to Tinkerbell.

as much as she hated to admit it Sookie was the only chance she had at busting Eric out of there he would listen to her and...and Pam would just have to hope she didn't bump into...him. again.

'Everything will be how it was after I shower back to normal' Pam muttered more to herself than Tara turning as she turned and opened the bathroom ; almost immediately losing her show off a smile whispering the promise so quietly Tara wondered if Pam had actually spoken or if she had just been hearing things. She guessed she would never know.

* * *

After closing the door Pam, stripped off the bloody and ripped clothing the fabric struggling down her body sticky with blood, Pam grimaced at the open wound on her stomach and winced once she stupidly placed her fingertips to the tender flesh, She had really been beaten down good this time and she could count on one hand the number of times she had been Beatdown badly but this one really topped all of them, by far. Pam tried to clear the thoughts from her mind unclasping her bra and then looking down only to realise she had lost her underwear on the way back to fangtasia shutting her eyes Pam breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth and then stepped in the Shower which was running with steamy water, she hadn't even remembered turning on the tap to hot but she must've because Tara was upstairs and the bar was still empty...right?, the blonde looked around paranoia fresh in her being before cautiously stepping into the shower that was so hot she recoiled from it at first but then embraced it hoping by some miracle it would burn away the shame...the embarrassment she couldn't imagine anything else would.

she allowed the innocent droplets of water to morph into tiny sharp blades that maned and burn her skin reddening it , yet she stood there without moving watching the once clear water now turn pink as the blood mixed with it and retreated down the faucet, Pam moved slowly picking up the bleach from the left side of the shower, inspecting the label to make sure it wasn't the cheap stuff that didn't achieve shit, and then pouring it over her scrunchy to scrub herself with it.

The smell forced its way up her nose and down her throat causing her to almost choke on it and she moved a palm to her mouth holding in the cough because...because coughing it out would make her weak and she was not weak, she was broken from her thoughts when she felt blood and a mixture of warm liquid trailing its way down her inside thigh reaching between there she examined it then drew her hand up to see her fingers were coated with blood and a whitish substance which were the remains of Russell release, she put her hand down breathing heavily and then stared at the white tiles suddenly feeling the sudden urge to vomit, the feeling of nausea overwhelming her so much she couldn't take it, gagging she threw up a third time, there and then on the spot and then let out a cry of frustration and anguish which echoed off of the bathroom walls. before sliding down the showers wall to cradle her knees. meanwhile, Tara stayed put blocking off her bond with Pam so that she could ease drop and stand outside the bathroom door a surge of uncontrolled worry crawled its way up her spine when she heard a bone cracking cry from behind the door.

 **sorry its short but I wanted to update because well I haven't updated in ages please lemme know what u think? x**


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